Photo via Zoe Report
Your phone alarm is blaring in your ear after a late night of tequila shots, you’re hungover, and to top things off, you’re late for brunch! Fear not. It’s me, your Hangover Godmother. It’s my job to shed light on some of the tougher predicaments in life (like this one), and you’re going from Lucy Lush to looking alive. Now, shake it off and wobble over to the bathroom. I’ll take you from “hangover” to “brunch-ready” faster than an Uber can arrive at your door.
- Put A Patch On It
After a quick face wash, try Eyeko Hydrogen Eye Patches to calm that nasty swelling under your eyes. If possible, keep your eye remedies in the fridge in case of an Apocalypse (and because the cooling effect never fails). Make sure to use gel applications–not paper–since the weight helps mold fine lines, and gel will transfer coolness better onto your skin. Keep these on as you scurry around to make yourself look presentable. P.S. If eye patches are too fussy for you, Milk Makeup Cooling Water also does the damn deed.
- Electrolytes or Bust
Step away from the mug! You’ll hate me now and thank me later, but drenching your dehydrated body in coffee is not the answer. Instead, make some lemon water and start guzzling. Upgrade this detox by taking two Activated Charcoal pills, the holy grail detoxer. Pressed Juicery has a charcoal lemonade (charcoal+lemonade=multi-tasking win) if glorified $8 juices are your thing. Some juicers even add a pinch of cayenne or sea salt for an extra kick of energy. But if your throbbing headache calls for Advil, bring it with you to brunch since you shouldn’t take it on an empty stomach.
- Smize Yourself
Pretty sure we’ve all said it, “Even if my house is on fire, I’m not leaving without my eyebrows.” Variations on this phrase include subbing “eyebrows” with “winged eyeliner.” Well, today your proverbial house is on proverbial fire, so you have all the permission to proceed with your smize ritual (region includes brows, eyeliner, and lashes)–just be quick! NYX Micro Brow Pencil is a brow filler, eyeliner, and also has a spoolie attached. Your nimble finger movements are now maximized with just one tool! It’s also light enough to layer on quick brush strokes and you don’t have to worry about going too dark with your shaky hungover hands. For lashes, the wand on Maybelline Volum’ Express The Mega Plush Mascara is ridiculous and the fine bristles REALLY get in there for every lash when you’re in a time crunch. The gel-mousse formula holds your curl like a boss.
- Nothing To See Here, People
You’ve had your eye patches on this whole time, right? Okay, NOW you can take them off. Your undereyes are a perfectly hydrated canvas for MAC Studio Finish SPF 35 Concealer with opaque full coverage and sun protection. If you prefer a full face of application, It Cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC Cream SPF 50, is more sheer, so you can liberally apply this all over. With every dab of concealer, you’re basically washing away the evidence and sins of last night. Consider this a baptism, girl.
- Channel Khaleesi
Highlighter may as well be pixie dust with all of its magical light deflecting qualities, am I right? You’re just a few swipes away (use your finger) from fake and glowy radiance. Becca Pressed Shimmering Skin Perfector in Opal is a close match to the coveted and SOLD-OUT-EVERYWHERE Becca x Jaclyn Hill’s Champagne Pop. You know the drill: under the browline, inner eye corners, cupid’s bow, and above the cheekbone. Say it with me: “I will do what queens do. I will rule.”
- Lip Service, At Your Door
Glossier brags that Generation G lip stains are so perfectly pigmented that “no liner, no blotting, no YouTube tutorial necessary.” It’s light enough to apply with a minimum of precision, but vibrant when you layer up. Pick one of their darker shades (Crush or Jam) for a much needed pop of color to offset the dullness of your hangover. Pro tip: Apply and blend to your cheekbones. Now swipe that ish on your lips as you run out the door because ain’t nobody got time for mirrors.